Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
