every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
