you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
