I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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