I look better un-naked...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
