He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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