On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
