I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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