eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
