glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
