I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
