I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
