I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
