After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
