The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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