He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
