Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
