You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
