I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
