I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
