Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
