mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
