im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
