moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
