i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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