Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
