he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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