I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
