There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
