you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
