he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
