I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
