Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
