Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
