Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
