she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
