Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
