At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
