hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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