I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
