the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
