the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
pop tarts are not kleenex
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
