discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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