he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
