Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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