Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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