Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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