its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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