Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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