she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
