your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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