I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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