I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
