he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
